The Faux Pas

The time: May 19, 2007.

The place: Palisades-Kepler state park.

The event: Preparations for the wedding of Joshua Hlibichuk and Elizabeth Savage

It was a warm day by May's standards in Iowa. Of course, my suit may have had something to do with my perception of the heat. In the morning, before the wedding, the temperature wasn't unbearable just yet, but the day had a bite to it: the kind of warm, dry tug that foretold even more heat to come.

Little did poor Brian Larson know just how hot it was going to get.

The pre-game pictures went fine. Our friend-photographer Brooke was the consummate professional and took some gems. Once that was over, we pinned on flowers.

Or, maybe we pinned on flowers beforehand. The bits that followed stick out so strongly in my mind that some of the other pieces have begun to blur.

We didn't know where the rings were.

This was a bit alarming: after all, a wedding without the symbolism may still be a wedding, but feels empty. Hollow. I still get worried looks from my wife if she sees me without my ring on for such an innocuous reason as handling raw chicken.

We needed those darn rings.

The ensuing madness was a riot unto itself. I'd had them, but I'd given them to Dustin (he was my best man, after all). Dustin didn't have them. Or, he claimed I didn't give the rings to him.

I claimed I did.

And then, amidst the confusion, surrounded by my parents, her parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and delicate ears, the unthinkable happened.

Only a few months earlier, the cult classic movie "Snakes on a Plane" debuted in theaters. A suspense-comedy, the film's premise is spoiled by the title: there are snakes. On a plane.

Pretty simple.

That's where the Internet stepped in. The movie was lampooned for its primitive and camp premise, as well as its over-the-top action standby star Samuel L. Jackson.

A fake poster and tagline were even whisked together to parody the film.

And that's where our story picks up again.

The movie's vulgar tagline, uttered by none other than Samuel himself, had also become something of a sleeper cult hit. An amusing little blurb of a line created by the Internet, it wasn't even in the original script for the film. It became l a meme, an idea that evolves to take on new forms.

Kind of like a knock-knock joke or a tall tale.

Poor Brian Larson forgot the company he was in and uttered the (in)famous tagline with an (in)appropriate spin. Just as I discovered the rings in my pocket, he exclaimed,

"I have had it with these @$#*%!ing rings at this @$#*!ing wedding."

About three different people verbally chastised him on the spot, my dad among them. Liz and I both immediately turned away. I was beet red: partly out embarrassment, and partly out of mirth. Brian had committed one of the greatest faux pas I had ever personally witnessed.

I love watching The Office for its never-ending stream of social discomfort, but I hadn't ever been privy to anything even close to such live-action mortification, until that moment.

And Brian was indeed mortified. He knew he'd made a mistake, and he was certain we - and our families - would never forgive him.

We have, of course.

He doesn't find it so funny anymore. His cheeks ripen like tomatoes whenever anyone so much as hints at "The Incident," which we have taken to calling it.

And it makes me laugh every time.