Shortly after arriving at our rental in deal island, maryland, we discovered the rooms for sleeping. Ted and Mary got the master, of course, with its queen size bed luxury and the semi-functional bathroom. John and hannah found the room with the bunk beds - a full on bottom and a twin on top.
Not more than two moments later we were treated to an argument as to who had the privilege, between them, of fledgling on the top bunk. Imagine the shock on their faces when they discovered the awful truth: they had to sleep on cots in the addition bedroom, because Josh and Liz got the bunk beds.
And john, in all seriousness, looks up and asks: "so which one of you is gonna sleep on the top bunk, then?"
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Meeting my brothers In-Laws
I, as the best man, (best best man ever) at t my brothers wedding, had many responsibilities. I picked up someone I didn't know well from an airport in a city I didn't know, and abandoned my lunch to do so. That was just fun. My other responsibilities included, guarding rings, pretending to lose them, and making them reappear. and general entertainment. and a speech but we a re SO not going there... I failed that aspect, BUT I WILL REDEEM MYSELF! Everything else I had down like a champ.
So walking down the Aisle at rehearsal I was matched with the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I work in the restaurant industry so I have seen some good looking women. Anyway, she was wearing this cute dress that had some pattern on it, cherries I think... something like that. Anyway we got to talking, and I was out to impress. So we mentioned a little get together later. Great! I thought, I'll pick up some girly drinks and some other things for when Brian and Eric arrive. This will be great.
Josh had brought his Wii up to the room and was supposed to join us, but he was far too stressed out and ended up bailing, I don't blame him one bit, though it woulda been super fun to have him along. However as the evening wore on there were many people in my room.... all Liz's relations trying out the Wii and drinking my booze. I mean there must have been 20 people in my room at one point playing the Wii and just messing around. All women from Liz's side of the family.
I did have a couple with my own aunt before hand. But this was a whole different world. And the girl? she stayed for like 5 minutes, mostly because I couldn't stand her little blonde cohort. It was okay though, because we had quite a riveting time. Then everyone left, and Eric and Brian and Brandon and I carried the night away.
Anyway that's how I met the In-laws my brother was about to have to put up with for the rest of his life. Fun bunch, though if he agrees I don't think I'll ever know.
On the same line that weekend there was the 'sankes' incident and the Dairy Queen incident, but eh all was in fun. If i didn't have to put gas in josh's car when I went to get cake cutting materials we never would have stopped at dairy queen. Just an FYI.
So walking down the Aisle at rehearsal I was matched with the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I work in the restaurant industry so I have seen some good looking women. Anyway, she was wearing this cute dress that had some pattern on it, cherries I think... something like that. Anyway we got to talking, and I was out to impress. So we mentioned a little get together later. Great! I thought, I'll pick up some girly drinks and some other things for when Brian and Eric arrive. This will be great.
Josh had brought his Wii up to the room and was supposed to join us, but he was far too stressed out and ended up bailing, I don't blame him one bit, though it woulda been super fun to have him along. However as the evening wore on there were many people in my room.... all Liz's relations trying out the Wii and drinking my booze. I mean there must have been 20 people in my room at one point playing the Wii and just messing around. All women from Liz's side of the family.
I did have a couple with my own aunt before hand. But this was a whole different world. And the girl? she stayed for like 5 minutes, mostly because I couldn't stand her little blonde cohort. It was okay though, because we had quite a riveting time. Then everyone left, and Eric and Brian and Brandon and I carried the night away.
Anyway that's how I met the In-laws my brother was about to have to put up with for the rest of his life. Fun bunch, though if he agrees I don't think I'll ever know.
On the same line that weekend there was the 'sankes' incident and the Dairy Queen incident, but eh all was in fun. If i didn't have to put gas in josh's car when I went to get cake cutting materials we never would have stopped at dairy queen. Just an FYI.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
The Faux Pas
The time: May 19, 2007.
The place: Palisades-Kepler state park.
The event: Preparations for the wedding of Joshua Hlibichuk and Elizabeth Savage
It was a warm day by May's standards in Iowa. Of course, my suit may have had something to do with my perception of the heat. In the morning, before the wedding, the temperature wasn't unbearable just yet, but the day had a bite to it: the kind of warm, dry tug that foretold even more heat to come.
Little did poor Brian Larson know just how hot it was going to get.
The pre-game pictures went fine. Our friend-photographer Brooke was the consummate professional and took some gems. Once that was over, we pinned on flowers.
Or, maybe we pinned on flowers beforehand. The bits that followed stick out so strongly in my mind that some of the other pieces have begun to blur.
We didn't know where the rings were.
This was a bit alarming: after all, a wedding without the symbolism may still be a wedding, but feels empty. Hollow. I still get worried looks from my wife if she sees me without my ring on for such an innocuous reason as handling raw chicken.
We needed those darn rings.
The ensuing madness was a riot unto itself. I'd had them, but I'd given them to Dustin (he was my best man, after all). Dustin didn't have them. Or, he claimed I didn't give the rings to him.
I claimed I did.
And then, amidst the confusion, surrounded by my parents, her parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and delicate ears, the unthinkable happened.
Only a few months earlier, the cult classic movie "Snakes on a Plane" debuted in theaters. A suspense-comedy, the film's premise is spoiled by the title: there are snakes. On a plane.
Pretty simple.
That's where the Internet stepped in. The movie was lampooned for its primitive and camp premise, as well as its over-the-top action standby star Samuel L. Jackson.
A fake poster and tagline were even whisked together to parody the film.
And that's where our story picks up again.
The movie's vulgar tagline, uttered by none other than Samuel himself, had also become something of a sleeper cult hit. An amusing little blurb of a line created by the Internet, it wasn't even in the original script for the film. It became l a meme, an idea that evolves to take on new forms.
Kind of like a knock-knock joke or a tall tale.
Poor Brian Larson forgot the company he was in and uttered the (in)famous tagline with an (in)appropriate spin. Just as I discovered the rings in my pocket, he exclaimed,
"I have had it with these @$#*%!ing rings at this @$#*!ing wedding."
About three different people verbally chastised him on the spot, my dad among them. Liz and I both immediately turned away. I was beet red: partly out embarrassment, and partly out of mirth. Brian had committed one of the greatest faux pas I had ever personally witnessed.
I love watching The Office for its never-ending stream of social discomfort, but I hadn't ever been privy to anything even close to such live-action mortification, until that moment.
And Brian was indeed mortified. He knew he'd made a mistake, and he was certain we - and our families - would never forgive him.
We have, of course.
He doesn't find it so funny anymore. His cheeks ripen like tomatoes whenever anyone so much as hints at "The Incident," which we have taken to calling it.
And it makes me laugh every time.
The place: Palisades-Kepler state park.
The event: Preparations for the wedding of Joshua Hlibichuk and Elizabeth Savage
It was a warm day by May's standards in Iowa. Of course, my suit may have had something to do with my perception of the heat. In the morning, before the wedding, the temperature wasn't unbearable just yet, but the day had a bite to it: the kind of warm, dry tug that foretold even more heat to come.
Little did poor Brian Larson know just how hot it was going to get.
The pre-game pictures went fine. Our friend-photographer Brooke was the consummate professional and took some gems. Once that was over, we pinned on flowers.
Or, maybe we pinned on flowers beforehand. The bits that followed stick out so strongly in my mind that some of the other pieces have begun to blur.
We didn't know where the rings were.
This was a bit alarming: after all, a wedding without the symbolism may still be a wedding, but feels empty. Hollow. I still get worried looks from my wife if she sees me without my ring on for such an innocuous reason as handling raw chicken.
We needed those darn rings.
The ensuing madness was a riot unto itself. I'd had them, but I'd given them to Dustin (he was my best man, after all). Dustin didn't have them. Or, he claimed I didn't give the rings to him.
I claimed I did.
And then, amidst the confusion, surrounded by my parents, her parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and delicate ears, the unthinkable happened.
Only a few months earlier, the cult classic movie "Snakes on a Plane" debuted in theaters. A suspense-comedy, the film's premise is spoiled by the title: there are snakes. On a plane.
Pretty simple.
That's where the Internet stepped in. The movie was lampooned for its primitive and camp premise, as well as its over-the-top action standby star Samuel L. Jackson.
A fake poster and tagline were even whisked together to parody the film.
And that's where our story picks up again.
The movie's vulgar tagline, uttered by none other than Samuel himself, had also become something of a sleeper cult hit. An amusing little blurb of a line created by the Internet, it wasn't even in the original script for the film. It became l a meme, an idea that evolves to take on new forms.
Kind of like a knock-knock joke or a tall tale.
Poor Brian Larson forgot the company he was in and uttered the (in)famous tagline with an (in)appropriate spin. Just as I discovered the rings in my pocket, he exclaimed,
"I have had it with these @$#*%!ing rings at this @$#*!ing wedding."
About three different people verbally chastised him on the spot, my dad among them. Liz and I both immediately turned away. I was beet red: partly out embarrassment, and partly out of mirth. Brian had committed one of the greatest faux pas I had ever personally witnessed.
I love watching The Office for its never-ending stream of social discomfort, but I hadn't ever been privy to anything even close to such live-action mortification, until that moment.
And Brian was indeed mortified. He knew he'd made a mistake, and he was certain we - and our families - would never forgive him.
We have, of course.
He doesn't find it so funny anymore. His cheeks ripen like tomatoes whenever anyone so much as hints at "The Incident," which we have taken to calling it.
And it makes me laugh every time.
"Uncle Bryan isn't in here"
Remember when we lived in Virginia and Dad was teaching Josh how to ride his bike? I had the video camera out that the neighbors had lent to us. Dustin was running around the yard wearing his big red sunglasses that he had popped the lenses out of. He has the cutest thing! Manda was sitting by my legs, latched on tightly--she was coming with in case I decided to make a run for it. As I was videotaping Josh and his biking skills Dustin was whining about having his turn. In order to distract him I suggested that he should come over to the camera and say "Hi" to Uncle Bryan. Well, I got his attention and he came over to the camera, looked way inside and said, in all seriousness, "Uncle Bryan's not in there!" I still laugh right out loud when I think of that. Then I get sad....we lost the video so I only have the memory and I wonder where the time went....
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